Reuniting with Yasmin

I meant to blog yesterday. I had a post figured out in my head and everything, but I ended up in bed by 9.30 and asleep by 10.30, and seeing as I normally post between 11 and 12.30, I kind of missed my chance.

I went to the doctors yesterday. I took myself off the pill 8 months ago, and wanted to discuss my lack of cycle and how that relates to my fertility, as well as how to manage the symptoms of PCOS that I've been struggling with. She basically told me that we'd worry about my fertility when I'm actively trying for a baby, and in the mean time, I should just go back on the pill.

In a lot of ways, it makes sense. Being on the pill managed my mood and my skin, the two things I've struggled with most since coming off of it. It never particularly had an effect on my weight, so I don't think it'll help there much, but Yasmin does have a reputation for weight loss. It's also healthier to have periods rather than not, and I guess seeing as my body can't seem to do that on its own, I need to make it do it somehow.

However, I do feel a bit fobbed off. The doctors answer to all of my concerns were that we would come back to it when I'm trying to get pregnant. She told me that there's no proof that diets or supplements help, and that there is basically nothing that could be done to help me manage my symptoms or re-establish a cycle in the time before I do start trying. I might as well mask it all with the pill instead.

I always knew that PCOS was incurable. Taking the pill doesn't help the problem, it just hides the symptoms. I could argue that it made things worse - it's a little tough to judge, it was so long ago. I certainly don't remember my cycle being this sparse, not to mention the cystic acne and mood swings.

I guess I still hoped that something could be done to help though. I think my appointment with the homeopath/nutritionist/medical herbalist person got my hopes up, with her promises that she could make everything better.

There's a part of me that wanted the doctor to give me a simple yes or no as to whether it was even an option for me to try. I can't help but feel that it's not. After all, no periods mean no ovulation, and no ovulation means no baby. I don't know what the point is if I can't have a child.

Names

You know, it's pretty hard to name something. There's a lot of responsibility to it. You can't really change a name - it's something that sticks, something that defines. 

Children's names aren't so much of a problem. I have always been fairly sure on my options. They've had to change slightly over time due to close friends and family choosing the same or similar names, but the main one that I've had my heart set on for literally decades remains. Seren. It was the name of a character in a Bernard Cornwell book. Welsh. It means star. 

I've been set on a pet name for years too, but even that has become more complicated. I've always loved cats, and while it took me years to get over Milo, eventually I was ready enough to want another. One night, my parents were really late coming home, and me being morbid, I was starting to worry for their safety. Eventually I managed to get hold of them, and my mum excitedly told me they were so late because they were bringing home a new member of the family. Obviously I jumped to the conclusion that they had somehow got hold of a cat, an assumption not helped by my mum very carefully carrying a large box out of the car when they finally returned home. Only it wasn't a cat. It was a Henry vacuum cleaner. Naturally, I decided then that if I ever had a male cat, I should call him Henry. Which is fine unless the name starts to grow on you, not helped by a certain Mr Lau of Super Junior. So now I'm in the situation where if I ever I have a little boy, I'm going to name him after a fucking hoover. 

Anyway, the point of this post is I now have a kitten who needs a name. She was Booties in her first and second home, but I can't be doing with such a pathetic name. Detective Mittens was a very serious contender, but even if I registered her as just Mittens, I think I'd be just as embarrassed to hear the vet shouting that out as I would for her full name. At the moment, she's Agi, but today I started to think Haru might be quite cute. 

I wanted my niece to name her, but she's two and the most inventive name she could come up with was Baby Cat. 

Of Spiders and Cats

Remember the spider that crawled down my curtain the other night and then disappeared? He showed up in my ver this evening. He has now been relocated to a pot plant on the landing, and my door has been thoroughly resprayed with anti spider spray. 

We had Rachey's baby shower today. It was really lovely, and now my ovaries are exploding a little bit. Not too much, I still more want to play with baby stuff than actually have a baby, but my biological clock is definitely ticking. 

Looks like I should get down to the cats protection league sooner rather than later then.