Guilt trip

If there is one thing everyone should know about ke, it should be that I am probably about the easiest person to make feel guilty you'll ever know. I know I act cruel on the outside from time to time, but after every single mean word or action, I feel an almost instantaneous sense of guilt.

I feel sick with guilt right now, and the worst thing is that I know I shouldn't be feeling this bad for something like this, something that will be so easily forgotten about by everyone else involved. Everyone except me. I still feel guilty about similar situations the occurred years ago.

Let's just say person A and I were talking about person B in a very light hearted and jokey manner, and came to a one word conclusion. Days, weeks even, later, I repeated what we had said, again in a very light hearted way, to person C. Then I get a text off person B saying person C is upset and is it because of what person A had said.

It sounds much morr bitchy than it is. Its not bitchy at all, but i dont know if person B and C see it that way. I put all the blame on my self. Mostly to protect person A, and how person B thinks of them. But now my heart hurts because the idea of actually upsetting anyone is so terrifying to me, even more so when it seems likely that I have upset two people I care about very deeply.

I just can't stand the thought of upsetting someone I love.