Shiny

I got a new laptop!! Its shiny and new and actually works! But I shut it down before I remembered to blog about it, so this is still a blogger for iPhone post. Sorry.

On the Vampire Diaries, the vampires have the ability to 'turn off their humanity'. Its like a switch they can flick when things get too much and they can't handle human emotions and feelings any more.

At some point, I'm going to post about Block B's awesome new song and music video ... Also the latest release from BAP, which may be cute but is also somewhat notsome. This was the post I wrote the other day that blogger deleted, so maybe I'll rewrite it on my shiny new laptop.

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FINE.

I wrote a post.

I pressed Publish.

Then blogger crashed, having apparently neither published or saved my post.

So fuck you, blogger, I won't post today then.

.... Oh wait ....

Ottoke

I have things I want to talk about in this post, but I'm really struggling to verbalise them. 

It's an issue of morality ... and self confidence. In that I have some of one and none of the other. I'll leave you to decided which is which. Basically, someone wants something, but it has its negative sides. It's the Heart against the Head. Heart encourages actions resulting in happiness, while Head warns against possible reprocussions.

At the moment my head is winning, and my heart is suffering the guilt.

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Disclaimer

I don't write this blog for other people to read.

I write because only here can I express myself unreservedly; only here can I share whatever is in my heart or on my mind.

It is, for all intents and purposes, my diary.

That is not to say that I am unaware of my readers, I just don't expect anybody other than those who know me properly to care.

I guess the point of this post is to explain the emotional stuff mixed in with the rest of this blog. The stuff that hasn't been written to be seen, but to exist away from me.

Call it therapy, if you like.

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Out of Sight, Out of Mind

There's a reason I keep people at a distance, why I don't let myself feel, why I run away.

Because when you try so hard to let someone in, ignore your head to follow your heart and struggle to be open and honest ... you just push them away instead.

Easier, I think, to just stop trying.

Eye Remover

So, I was just perusing YesStyle (making up a new order because I cleared out half my wardrobe, and I'm a little addicted to beauty products right now ... I really want to try sheet masks) and came across this delightfully entitled product. 

'LIP AND EYE REMOVER'?

Yup, I'd buy that. It's in such pretty packaging, too.

Who needs lips and eyes, right?


lessthanthree kiss

A catch up

So ... um ... it's been a while. 6 weeks away in the big city and just over a week back home, and only now I decide to face the shame of my poor, neglected blog. I did not do well at documenting this last shoot.

It's a shame really, because it's not like I didn't have stuff to share. One thing is for sure, I wouldn't have struggled to come up with something to write about every day. But, alas, sleep and food took priority upon arriving back at my digs of a night, so let me sum it all up here.

Phew. 37 long and hard shooting days, each filled with sleep deprivation, stress and discontent, and yet I wouldn't have wanted to be any where else. The cast and crew were simply awesome. My bank account suffered, but it was worth every penny ... Or it will be as soon as I get every penny back. I made firm friends, met a boy, brought a dress, and even got the promise of years of paid work to come.

I did, however, live on a diet that consisted almost exclusively of salad and humous wraps on set, and pizza off set. Not that I'm complaining ... I have had cravings for wraps and eaten pizza at least 3 times in the past week.

What else to tell?

The boy is a boy, but I like him. As in, I haven't even started talking myself out of it yet, which is new. We're still just taking it as it comes. I'm a little scared that if we label it, I'll freak and run, and I don't want that. Hmm we'll see ... I'll keep you posted.

I did my huge room sort out as soon as I got back, and now half of my wardrobe is destined for eBay - well, what my sister didn't poach anyway. I keep it lovely, putting the cushions on my bed and lighting my candle, and it's lovely. As soon as we have completely emptied my sisters old room, I can set up my work room in the extension, and get started on setting up my business!

So things are starting to come together ... Now I just need fate to stop fucking over my family's personal lives.

Lessthanthree kiss