Real Job

Today I was told by a student at my school that I wasn't a 'real' teacher. 

I lesson plan. I make schemes of work entirely based around individual students. I track my students progress. I even mark their attendance.

I gave up my career. I gave up my business. I gave up my dreams for the future.

No, I don't have a teaching qualification. But I spend 5 days a week, 6 hours a day in a classroom, and I'm the one leading the sessions.

Yes, I feel very self conscious about having not done a teaching qualification. I often feel like I'm more playing at being teacher than actually being one. But this year I made the decision to make this my career. 

I may not be qualified but that doesn't mean that I'm not a teacher. 

The BEST Flapjack Recipe

I've always loved flapjacks. Usually, I don't follow a recipe, I just bung a load of melted butter, golden syrup, sugar and oats into a tin and hope it comes out right. Sometimes it's perfect, sometimes it's dry; it's a bit of a gamble. 

Sometimes, you don't want to gamble, you want it to be perfect, so I always used to follow the Hamlyn All Colour Cookbook recipe, a book from the 1960's that my mother owned. Now I live on my own, I've found this recipe is hard to find online. Other recipes seem to add a lot of other random stuff, so I thought I'd document the Hamlyn recipe here so I can always find it when I need it. 

Ingredients

8oz Margarine 

170g Golden Syrup

6oz Granulated Sugar

1lb Rolled Oats

Pinch of salt

Glacé Cherry halves

Method

Line a square tin with greaseproof paper. I use a medium size casserole tin. 

Preheat oven to 170*c. 

Melt margarine and syrup in a saucepan until the butter has melted and the mix is bubbling slightly.

Remove from heat and stir in sugar, oats and salt, mixing well. 

Turn into tin and press down with the back of the spoon. Place the cherry halves on top. 

Cook for 30-40 minutes until golden brown.

Leave to cool for 5 mins and then cut into 9 squares. 

Forgive the changes from imperial to metric and back again. It's just easier to flip around than it is to try and find conversions online that change depending on what site you're on. The original recipe calls for 8 tablespoons of golden syrup, but my golden syrup jar says one tablespoon is 21g so that's what I stuck with, because measuring golden syrup by tablespoons is ridiculous. You can do smaller squares if you want, 16 would fit this recipe quite well, I just like big flapjacks. 

Enjoy. 

Independent Woman

Earlier today, my washing machine broke mid cycle. Full of water, clothes still in there, door locked (not that I wanted to open it anyway), and nothing I did made it go again. So I rang my parents. My fathers only suggestion that I hadn't already attempted ("have you tried turning it off and on again?") was to find a man. 

I did not appreciate the sentiment that I should go next door to get help just because I'm a woman. 

At this juncture, I'd like to point out that I fixed the washing machine eventually, getting soaked in the process, but hey, I did it on my own because I AM AN INTELLEGENT, INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A MAN.

Then, this evening, I got a message from my ex. Me going to the gym came up in conversation, and he said, and I quote "you're single now, so need to find a nice man. Lol".

Excuse me? Why does me going to the gym have anything to do with any one else? I'm not going to meet men, I'm not going to make myself more attractive to men, I'm going FOR ME, because I want to. 

Regardless of my martial status, I don't "need" to do anything. In fact, a man is very low on my list of priorities at the moment. 

I realise this sounds like I'm man hating. I'm not. I just don't like how the two most influential men in my life over the past few years seem to believe that I am incapable of doing something for myself, whether that be DIY or getting fit. 

I am an strong, intelligent, independent woman.

Public Service Annoucement

Tinned peas are fucking disgusting. 

That is all.

Who am I and what have I done with Heather?

Today is a saturday.

This morning, I was at the gym. 

By 9.15. 

9.15 am.

I could have stayed in bed. I could have slept in without an alarm. But I didn't. I got up early and went to the gym. 

But now I'm sat here in front of the telly with a massive mug of hot chocolate, so at least there is some semblance of self left. 

C9 - The Results

So I finished my c9 cleanse on Sunday, and did my final weigh in and measurements on Monday. Today is Wednesday, so this may prepare you a little for my final thoughts on the plan.

Firstly, let's go through the numbers. 

My start weight was 73.9kg. After the 9 days, my finish weight was 72.4kg. To say that I'm disappointed in this would be an understatement. I followed the plan to the letter, but for some reason, I seemed to peak half way through and then started to slowly put weight back on. 

Worse than the less than drastic weight loss is the almost total absence of inch loss. My waist, thigh, arm and hip measurements stayed exactly the same. I lost a lowly 1/2 inch from my bust. 

I did this plan expecting drastic results. Yes, I got a positive result, I lost weight, but was it worth it? That's something I don't think I can answer positively. I am disappointed. I did not achieve even close to my goals. In fact, all the plan has done for me is to make me feel that my goals are that much more unachievable.

I have not noticed an improvement in my energy levels. Despite people telling me my skin looks very clear, I can't say I have noticed a change. My hair feels more greasy than normal, and looking at a photo taken when my hair was freshly washed, I can't help but think it looks lank and lifeless. 

Also, and stop reading now if you don't want to know bowel stuff, but I didn't poo for a full week between incident on day 2 and the morning of day 9, as well as rather smelly wind after the cleanse had finished. 

This doesn't change the sucess stories associated with the c9, especially from people who I have seen doing their own plan. However, there is a huge expectation that if everyone else is seemingly loosing stones and inches over the course of the plan, and that hurts deeply when you don't achieve the same results. 

I feel a failure even though I tried my absolute best.

I feel angry at myself for having fallen for a product that promises such drastic results. 

I feel upset that I have been through such an emotional roller coaster and have nothing to show for it. 

I feel like not getting the results I expected from this plan has the very real potential to put me on a very slippery slope in regards to my view of myself. 

C9 - Day 8

Today is my first day of feeling utterly and absolutely demotivated. I don't see the point in carrying on anymore. 

It's 11am, and I'm still in bed. So much for all that energy you're supposed to get on the clean9. 

I just weighed myself and realised that there is absolutely no chance I am going to loose the last two kilos I wanted as my minimum loss in the next 48 hour.

Looking at myself, I am no thinner, no less bloated, and nor do I feel any happier about my body. 

Today is one of my friends birthday, and she's having a party for her 2 year old this afternoon. I can't help but think what is the point in trying to carry on with this facade when there is no chance of a feeling of accomplishment at the end of it. 

I warned myself in previous posts that I don't have the mental strength for this. 

I thought that I had nothing to lose. That the chance of loosing a little weight was worth the £100 price tag. But now I feel like I've failed even though I've been so careful to keep well within the plans perametres. 

I've taken all the tablets. I've drunk all the gel. I've had the shakes with almond milk rather than milk to cut out the fat and up the protein. I've kept within my 600 cal limit for meals, even including free foods. I've stayed up late in the night doing all of the blogilates 30 day challenges for my half an hour exercise, even on top of classes and walks. 

And still I'm sat here crying my eyes out because it's all been for nothing. 

C9 - Days 4-6

Sorry I've not posted in a few days. There are a few reasons why. Firstly, things will get kind of repetitive now that the plan is the same for the rest of the cleanse, secondly, that nothing of note has happened, and thirdly, and most thruthfully, I just plain forgot. 

Ok, so what's been going on in the world of doing the clean 9? 

Well, I still think there is a huge mental element to this that I'm not sure I have the strength for. There is still a degree of food guilt, even though my total calories for an average day is below 900 cals.

I don't feel any different in terms of my energy, something that the plan and previous users have all claimed increases dramatically on the plan. I also haven't noticed any improvement to my hair, skin or nails, although I was told today by two completely unrelated people that my skin looked very healthy. To be honest, I've never been great at noticing things like this anyway, but if my mum and my boss notice a difference, then I'll take it. 

I'm very much enjoying drinking less aloe. However, I do find myself more hungry  than I did when I ate practically nothing on the first two days. I think the aloe must fill you up due to it being a gel. On the other hand, the fact that I find it hard to keep on top of my water consumption and to take the pills at regular intervals while at school might also have a part to play. I'm quite often coming home at half 3 having not drunk or eaten anything since about 8.30. 

Having said that, the 600 cals of an evening meal is plenty. I wouldn't say I'm stuffed after every meal, but it's certainly a decent amount. I have had two veg fajitas with cheese, sour cream and salsa for 3 of my 4 meals on the cleanse so far, and it's probably as much as I would want normally to be honest. I might shake it up and have enchiladas tomorrow. 

This morning was weigh in and measure up day. I have steadily lost weight during the cleanse up to now, having lost just shy of 1.5kg over the past 6 days. I did not loose any inches though, and I didn't realise how important this was to me until it didn't happen. The number on the scales going down is all well and good, but it does kind of feel a bit pointless when you can't see the change on the outside. 

I'm still hopeful for the end of the plan, but right now, I'm not to happy with all my progress pics not showing any progress. Without a noticeable change, it's just a load of photos of me in my bra and pants for no reason. 

I'll probably not post again until day 9, and then I'll do a results post the next day. I'm nervous I won't meet my 'under 70kg' goal, so really going to try to step it up over the last few days. Gymming every day even if it's on my own, trying harder with my water .... I will do this. 

C9: Day 3

I sure you'll all be thrilled to know that I woke up this morning exactly as I had gone to bed. The loo issue of last night has declined to rear its ugly head again thus far. 

Day 3 marks the end of never ending aloe, as now I'm down to just one 120ml serving a day. You know, I drank a whole litre of the stuff over the weekend! A litre! I also get to eat 600 cals. Which sounds lovely. It's not.

There is a huge mental and emotional risk in this cleanse that I hadn't really taken into consideration before. 

Most people are doing this for the weight loss, myself one of them. Most people are obviously desperate to go down the route of spending so much money to loose a few pounds, and again, I happily admit to being one of those people. So imagine you've got through the first two days by eating next to nothing, and see that you've lost 1.3kg. It feels good. It feels great, even. Then you make yourself this lovely looking meal and suddenly, you're wracked with guilt over eating high GI veg in a tortilla wrap. A small voice in your head tells you to eat it because you obviously need to eat, but a louder voice makes you very aware that every bite you take is all of that work over the past two days gone to waste. 

Maybe it's just me that thinks like that, maybe most people reach day 3 and are so excited by the prospect of food that these dark thoughts don't enter their minds. I hope so, because I can very easily see one of the side effects of the C9 being anorexia. 

All of this aside, day three went well. I lost a lot of my structure today due to being at work, and so I possibly might be one bottle of water down on what I should be. I did a fitness class today, and while I only had a few grapes before hand for energy, afterwards I couldn't have felt less hungry if I tried.

Apparently day 4 is the hardest .... Roll on ....

C9 - Day 2

I warn you now. I said that I would give a no hole barred account of this journey. And I hold true to that. If you don't want to hear about my bowel movements, then stop reading now. 

Day two was much the same as day one, tablets, water and constant weeing. Today I drank the aloe straight from the fridge, and this was a HUGE improvement. I didn't retch at all today, sure, it still wasn't exactly pleasant, but it wasn't as bad as at room temperature either. I also ate less, swapping yesterday's bowl of fruit for lettuce and a few grapes and strawberries. It was supposed to be a salad but the cucumber had gone off. I still didn't feel unbearably hungry, although I could easily have eaten, and didn't get faint until literally just now, when I was brushing my teeth, and started to feel a bit tingly from low blood sugar. 

What did happen today though I feel is something that does need talking about. At the end of the day, this a cleanse, and all of the stuff you're flushing out with aloe and water has to go somewhere. This evening, I was happily watching 2012 when I felt the urge to fart. I was alone so I just let it happen. 

It was not a fart. 

Luckily I made it to the loo, but still, I wasn't prepared for that sort of reaction. Worse still, I'm now terrified that I'm going to shit myself every time I need to fart, or that it'll happen at school and it'll be horrific. 

I'm tempted to wear a night time sanitary pad just to make sure. 

Tomorrow marks a decrease in aloe, an increase in shakes and the introduction of 600 cals. I think it'll be trickier at school to drink enough and do the tablets on time, but we'll see. It's also weigh in day tomorrow so I'll be interested in the progress so far. 

Fingers crossed tomorrow doesn't start with me waking up covered from head to toe in diarrhoea. 

C9 - Day One

So it's nearing midnight and I'm all tucked up in bed after my first day on the c9 cleanse by Forever Living. 

First thing is first, the aloe. My first impressions were that it was nowhere near as bad as I had expected from what I have read. It's an odd flavour and texture and smell, unlike anything else. It does have bits in it, so think orange juice with pulp and that's kind of what to expect texture wise. It did not get better over the course of the 4 lots of 120ml servings, and by the end of the day it was tricky to get the whole lot down without retching. 

The tablets are FREAKING HUGE. I've never been good at taking tablets, I just physically can't do it. I only manage antibiotics by eating a banana at the same time as taking them, but bananas are a no go on this cleanse, and I don't think even that would have helped. The therm tablets were just coated pressed powder, so I could easily break those down to more manageable chunks, but the garcinia I really struggled with. So in the end, I bit into them and sucked out the inside. It worked for me, it tastes a bit like peanut butter and is the same consistency. I don't know if that's ok to do it like that, but it was my only option, and I figure it's best to have them like that than not at all. 

I had read someone's post that suggested that the aloe was fine but she couldn't stomach the fibre. I have no idea what she was talking about, dissolved in a glass of water I could barely tell it was in there. So nothing to worry about there in my opinion.

I ordered the chocolate shake. People say it's too sweet, but I can't say I found it ridiculously so. I had it with almond milk, and that's what I could taste for the most part. I much prefer slimfast, but it was by no means bad.

I'm not doing to go into the details of what you do and when, because there is plenty of information out there to tell you. For me, day one seemed to consist of constantly taking pills, drinking water, and going to the loo. It takes a lot of time and I'm glad I chose to start on a day off from work. 

Did I feel hungry? 

Yes.

Did I feel hungry enough to make it difficult? 

No. I didn't eat anything but the pills until about 7pm, where I had a small bowl of fruit from the free foods list. Apple, blueberries, strawberries and grapes. They didn't particularily make me feel less hungry, but was probably useful for my blood sugar. Plus, it's amazing how the aloe nearly making you throw up kills your appetite! Joke. But really. I also had three cups of echinacea and raspberry tea, which is lovely, by the way. Total calories consumed including the pills and gel was 447, with nearly 200 of that being the tea and fruit. Very low calorie.

Did I feel energised? 

Hard to say. I woke up excited, both about the prospect of starting the cleanse as well as going to my induction to the gym. So I felt very bouncy this morning, but as to whether that's due to the effects of the aloe, I have no idea. I'd say too early to tell at this point. 

Did I feel faint or need a nap? 

Nope, and nope. When I did the 5:2, I would often feel my energy just disappear, my blood sugar drop and would need a nap to reset my body. I didn't feel that need at all today. Sure I wasn't super active, but for the most part I felt pretty good throughout. 

One other thing to note is that I'm additionally taking three Forever Bee Pollen tablets with this cleanse. I had a pack come with the trail basket I got so figured why not. The old version of clean 9 used bee pollen instead of the therm, so hopefully they don't counteract each other in any way. I've found it really useful so far in taking away the aloe aftertaste. 

So in summary, Day 1 has gone well. Wasn't too hard, but also wasn't easy. I'm not looking forward to more aloe gel, but after tomorrow the dosage drops to just one serving, so that shouldn't be too bad. 

Let's see what day 2 brings. 

Clean 9 Detox: Why I'm doing it

I spent a long time deciding whether to do the C9 cleanse from Forever Living. For starters, the RRP of over £100 makes this a huge financial commitment. But after hearing two success stories from friends and hundreds more online, I decided to take the plunge and go for it. 

Best case scenario is I loose weight, feel great and kick start my new healthy lifestyle. 

Worse case scenario is nothing changes but the figure on my bank statement. 

To me, it was a worthwhile risk. But then again, I'm desperate to loose weight, to feel happier in my own skin. 

About this time last year, I noticed my weight start to climb. I had always hovered around the 66kg mark, and was happy and content with that. If I started to veer too close to 68kgs, I would cut down on the bad stuff and do a few blogilates videos and that would be fine. However, I started to notice that method didn't work anymore. I would exercise religiously, follow the 5:2 diet to the letter, eat nothing but raw fruit and veg, and still I was putting on weight as steadily as when I did nothing at all, eating junk food. The turning point was at Christmas, when I spent the week spanning Christmas with a horrible cold, and didn't eat anything that stayed down for three days. I still put on weight at the same rate. I spoke to the doctor, had tests for diabetes and thryoid, spoke to my gynea about whether my PCOS was having a part to play, but everything came back normal and I was told in no uncertain terms that I just had to get on with it. My weight peaked at 75kg, and since then has hovered at that mark for the past couple of months. So now seems to be the time to make a change that will hopefully work. 

At my happiest, I was 63kg, which was about 3 years ago while filming Chronicles. I'm well aware that this weight was attained by bad means; working hard, eating very little and a new relationship killing my appetite were the main contributing factors here. I don't expect to be this light or skinny again. I do hope to have the same feeling of being content with my body though.

My goals for the C9 are purely to feel better about myself. Yes, it's true that a drop in the number on my scales will help that, and I'd really like to be below the 70kg mark again over the course of this detox. But I also want to feel better, be fitter, have more energy. 

Fingers crossed the C9 helps me do this. I've joined a gym too, so literally pulling out all stops here. Sure my bank balance won't be happy, but if I am, it's all worth it. 

I'll be blogging my C9 journey day by day, so check back for that. I'm going to be brutally honest, none of this whole "I've done the C9 it's amazing and I'm a forever distributor so buy yours from me now!". If I don't like it, if it doesn't help, if the aloe tastes like death, you'll know about it in harsh, deeply truthful, too-much-information detail. 

So .... let's do this. 

BTS

This evening, I've been watching BTS's music video for their song 'Dope' pretty much on a loop.

I've heard of BTS before. A lot. They're kind of hard to miss in the kpop world. But I didn't really pay them much attention and definitely couldn't have given you an example of one of their songs. 

Then BTS came up on the latest episode of the Fine Bros' series 'Youtubers React - to Kpop'. I've had issues with this series before, such as when they stated in the fact section that TVXQ had 5 members. But you know, you watch it anyway just in case they feature a band you love. 

Anyway, so I was watching that and BTS came on. The song was catchy and I liked their costumes. But it's the choreography that keeps me coming back. Well, that and other reasons I'm too embarrassed to admit to. I mean, they may be a few years younger than me, but they've got something going on there, if you know what I mean. It's like EXO all over again. Guys hip trusting and rubbing their lips and looking all sexy shouldn't be allowed unless they're older than me. It's fine. Super Junior are older than me. TVXQ are older than me. SHINee are .... let's move on. 

So I started checking out some of their other MVs, and I really like them. A lot of what they do have that attitude-y-ness that I really love in BlockB and early BAP. I recognised one mv from a EYK kpop music Monday video about how happy they all were and how it's so refreshing to see artists obviously having a good time in their videos. At the time it was a rarity, but did you see Leeteuk in Devil? He was having a BLAST. And Onew in Married to the Music. It's nice to see Kpop artists having a nice time. Especially Leeteuk. I liked the teaser for the new song. Everyone looks like their being super Super Junior-ish, apart from Kyuhyun who looks like they shot his close up without him realising they were filming him. Donghae winks all sexily, Eunhyuk looks all brooding, and Kyu is just like 'what?'.

I keep getting distracted by Super Junior. This is supposed to be about BTS. 

So yeah. Go watch the Dope MV. 

Intentions

It's all very well and good to have these great intentions when it comes to your health and fitness. 

I'm going to get fit. I'm going to eat healthily. I'm going to walk more. I'm going to do squats every day. I'll join a gym and take classes. 

That means fuck all unless you actually get off your arse and do it.

You're not going to get fit if you keep sitting in front of the telly eating Ben and Jerry's. You had pizza for lunch today. You haven't walked more than 10 mins at a time for months. You haven't done squats for even longer. Joining a gym and doing classes is stupid unless you actually get of your bum and go. 

Yeah, this is directed at myself. But you should listen too. Get up and do something. If you have a dream, make that first step to making it happen. Don't put it off until tomorrow or Monday or next month. Now. You are the only person with the power to make your dreams a reality. 

My dream is to loose 10kg before Christmas. And I'm going to do it. 

A Reintroduction

It's been a while since I last posted on this blog, and even longer since I blogged properly. 

I started blogging on here over 5 years ago. A lot has changed in that time. I've changed. So I thought it best to reintroduce myself. 

Hi. My name is Heather. I'm 27 and live in the middle of the UK. I'm a freelance teacher. I dream of starting up my own upcycled bridal business, having spent the last 5 years struggling to turn my film costume work into a financially viable career. I've just broken up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. My entire family have moved down south. I have a 6 month old adorable niece. Both my grandmothers have passed away over the past year, having both lived well into their 90's. 

Of course, many things are the same. My family are still the most important thing in the world to me, it's just they're a bit further away now. I still love k-pop and Asian drama, but now I'm actively planning my trips to Japan and Korea. The film career has taken a definite back seat for my now full time teaching career. Obviously, I'm still constantly striving to lose weight, be healthier and drink more water, to little effect. 

So that's me. Heather 2015. 

That's all for now. See you in the next one*. 

Of mortality

Sometimes things happen that make you realise how delicate life can be. How precious and short life is. How much you take advantage of those you love and care for, and how quickly things can change. 

You always think that being healthy and taking care of yourself leads to a long and happy life. And sure, for a lot of people it does. But there are still people that are perfectly well, who live a happy healthy life, and yet one day, a lump of blood goes where it isn't supposed to and they just aren't here any more. 

It doesn't matter who they are, how little you know them, even if you've never met them before, such a sudden demise still touches you, it still affects you and the way you see life. 

Valentines Day Sucks

When I was single, I didn't much care for valentines day. 

Now I'm in a relationship, I still don't care much for valentines day. 

My social networks are full of people being all couply and PDA-ish, and it's sickening. There is heart shaped chocolate and stuffed toys holding hearts everywhere you turn. Flowers are suddenly right in front as you walk into the supermarket, so much so that you have to practically wade through them just to get that one bottle of milk you nipped in for. 

No, I'm not bitter because I haven't been showered with chocolate and cuddly toys and flowers, and posted pics of it all with me kissing my boyfriend on Facebook, twitter, Instagram and everywhere else. To be totally honest, I would be a little bit disappointed in him if he did do any of that stereotypical lovey dovey stuff. Especially the cuddly toys. It's enough to make you vomit. 

Wouldn't complain at the discount stuff the day after though. Flowers and chocolate. Not roses though. That's too cliche.

I wasn't feeling like this earlier. Things just keep building up until they get to a breaking point and you wish that everyone would stop shoving this Hallmark holiday down your throat. It should be like any other saints day, a small deal made by relevant shops so that you know it's coming, but not enough so that you can't go anywhere without having to pick heart shaped confetti out of your hair. 

This turned into more of a rant than I intended. 

Tl:dr version - people should stop being so revoltingly loved up just because a marketing campaign told you to. 

Febuready

My interview went well today. 

Fasting also went well.

My water consumption did not. I can't even remember if I had one bottle or two. 

I was in bed all ready to wrote a post, when I decided to have one of my pre falling asleep naps. I've told you about these before, you still have stuff to do before you can actually go to sleep, like turning the light off or taking off make up, but you think to yourself "I'll just close my eyes for a little while". Then you either wake up after a couple of minutes, or at 4am with the electric blanket still on full blast. The latter is the least preferable. 

Aw damn, I've just missed posting today actually today. 

Fabruary

Day one. 

I did the Blogilates calendar. Maybe not to the fullest intensity that I could have done, but still, I did it. There are just some moves that I can't do. Burpees and mountain climbers especially. Even more so when my hip hurts. But anyway, sucess there. 

I went for a walk. 70 mins, in two 35 min sections, with a load of browsing in between. I went shopping at the new big next, and an outfit for tomorrow's interview cost me £130. So I best get it now. But anyway, walk = sucess. 

I did day one of the flat ab challenge and the bum lift challenge this evening, took me all of 2 mins, although I get that it's going to increase day by day. Huge sucess. 

I kept to my diet. Sort of. Went a little over on my calories, and my days total nutrition breakdown was very carb heavy and only half the protein percentage, but still, I ate with consideration, so that's good. Another semi sucess. 

I drank two bottles of water. Two out of the four intended. I'm not good at drinking. Must try harder. Failure. Sad face. 

So yeah, day one, all in all, seems to have gone quite well. Just need to concentrate more on my protein intake and water consumption. 

Tomorrow might be tricky to do so, as I have such a busy day planned, but fingers crossed. It's also fasting day, and eating the right proportions is always easier on fasting days, but water might be my main issue. We'll see. 

Oh yes, and I'm in bed before 12, with my light going off as soon as this post is published. Sucess. 

I can't help but think sucess is spelt wrong now, I've typed it too many times. 

February

Its February already. How did that happen? 

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this month is where I'm going to go hard, push myself and achieve what I set out to do. I eased myself into it in January, and didn't really give it enough effort, but from now on, I have 28 days to make a change. 

I kind of started already, with one aspect of the plan anyway. 10 days ago, I woke up and noticed I had split the seams of my pjs. It was the push I needed, so I dove straight back into intermittent fasting on Mondays and Thursdays, a calorie limit of 1100 every other day, and a goal of a high protein, low carb and generally clean diet. This I'm going to continue, plus amping up my morning exercise routine, timed perfectly with the start of the Blogilates FABruary calendar so I won't have to cherry pick my workouts anymore. I think I'm also going to attempt the 30 day bum and ab challenge in the evenings. I'm going to take weekly photos so hopefully I'll start seeing a change soon. 

Throw on to that a plan to drink more water (one of my Brita bottlefuls every quarter of the clock, so just shy of 2.5 litres in a day), and to get to sleep earlier and wake up earlier (she says, writing this at 1.30 am, good start there already) and I think that pretty much sums up my February.

Oh yeah, and to get back into the bridal side of things to get some dresses sold and do the prep and shoot for my 'last' short, also get another job, and you know, become an auntie, but my sister has all the work to do there. I might even try to blog more while I'm at it. 

February is going to be a busy one. 

Of gag reflexes.

I hate taking pills. I've never been comfortable with taking pills, and to be honest, would rather live with most issues rather than popping medication. I don't take paracetamol unless I have a fever, I don't take any painkillers for any pain, I just stay away from medication and either man up or go down the more natural and holistic approach. Pills just aren't a part of my life, and so I am not familiar enough with the idea of just swallowing something big enough to choke on. 

So when I got prescribed with a course of antibiotics yesterday, and then picked them up only to discover they are the size of fucking carrots, you can imagine my issue. I drank a whole litre of water trying to take the first one last night, as well as a yoghurt. The experience was so stressful I had to eat half a box of after eights to calm myself down (so much for the diet). Today wasn't so bad, but still pretty traumatic for something that should be so simple. I've also been prescribed with two months worth of naproxen, which can apparently cause your tummy to explode or something, so fingers crossed that doesn't happen. Those pills are pretty big too, but they're powder so I can just bite them in half. 

I looked up as to why I have this issue, and apparently it's something you either get over or have a life long problem with from about the age of 10, or something old people develop as they get older. So I guess at 10 I was like nope to pills and mushed them up in jam while everyone else was learning how to not be a pussy.

Either that or I am in fact a young person stuck in an old persons body, disguised as a young person's body. 

New Year Do-over

I'm going to start again.

I started really well. I fasted on New Year's Day and had really high hopes. But then feeling really shitty in a sort of 'eat everything especially all the bad stuff and don't do anything productive at all' way kinda messed things up. 

Tomorrow is a Monday. I've finished all my Christmas junk. I'm significantly enough over my cold. I am full of determination. 

Eating right. Exercising consistently. Being proactive and productive. Let's do this.

Keep In Touch

2015 marks an end of an era type deal for me. 

Or maybe it's better to phrase it as a start of a new one. 

For nearly 6 years, I've worked really hard and really struggled at making my film career a viable option. I've had doubts but I've never really faultered on this ultimately being what I want to do. But now, I've reached the decision that it will never be a realistic long term and financially profitable career path, and have decided to move on. That's not to say that I won't still dabble if things come my way and I can do them, but more that film work is no longer my primary focus. A hobby, if you like, to fit around my normal life rather than vice versa. 

I was in the shower just now, and Super Junior's "keep in touch" came up in shuffle. It got me thinking. I consider myself to have made some good friends during my film career, but how many of those will stay in touch when I leave the industry and therefore am surplus to their professional requirements? How many people will still talk to me and seem to genuinely care about me when I no longer work for or with them? Relationships in film are intense things, people know everything about you in very intimate detail within a very short amount if time. Sure most of those relationships disappear into the ether as soon as the wrap party is over, but some are a little more lasting. But how many friendships would survive me being out of that world altogether? I doubt any to be honest, and that makes me really sad. 

Snot

So I've had this stinking cold since the start of December. 

It started with just a normal cold. It started getting better then I got another one, just days before Christmas, which has yet to fully go. I thought it was just a little snot and a cough that was lingering, but last night and today I feel like I've been punched in the face. Fingers crossed it's just congestion from the last one rather than a new one. That would suck.

I'm in London at the moment. The boy is working, so I've spent the day in bed watching films feeling sorry for my face. But I think we're heading out in a bit to get an extra Xbox controller and some Lego games so we can actually play together for once. We did think about doing a couples games play because it'd be really amusing watching me and someone who actually knows what they're doing play together. I'll keep you posted. 

I don't quite know how to end these any more. I need to think of some sort of witty catchphrase. Like 'see you later, Roger' or 'peace out bitches'. Suggestions welcome, regular readers that probably gave up on checking this blog about a year ago. 

Another New Year

Yep, it's another new year, another post about my New Years resolutions for 2015. In fact, I can't remember if I did one last year. I kind of had a year off blogging, but I missed it, and I missed reading my posts back, so here's to another year of (almost) daily blogging.

Right, number one. Get fit, and heathy, and loose that weight that won't go. I'm currently over 7kg heavier than I want to be, and I can feel it in the splodge of my tummy. I wouldn't mind being heavier if it was muscle, but it's very definitely fat, and I need to wear magic pants to feel comfortable in most of my clothes. So I'm fasting two days a week, and doing a combo of the slimfast and nutribullet diet for the rest of the time. I'm also aiming to exercise for 20 mins four times a week. So either 20 mins hula hooping or 3 Blogilates challenge videos. Being naughty is ok, just once a day and never on a fast day. Also drink more water and all that jazz. 

Number two is to be more money savvy. I  can't afford to go out for dinner every week and whatnot. So let's reign that in a little. I don't have the luxury of relying on my parents anymore, so I'm also looking for another job. You know, to bring my total up to three. 

I think that's enough for now. I'm late posting this, it was meant to be yesterday's post but things got deep and complicated last night so it didn't occur to me until now. Hopefully I'll remember to post tonight :s