Late Again

I'm going to try really hard not to make this a habit. Honest.

So today was a Monday, and naturally, I decided to restart my diet.

I failed.

First, I went out for lunch with the family, and ate a whole pizza, right after a load of bread with oil and balsamic vinegar (huge fan of the balsamic, not so much the oil - it's too ...oily), and followed by a banoffe sundae. I was then good, and refrained from cake (because I was the one to decorate it, and covered it in cream, and I don't like cream) until I got to Rachey and Jon's , where I had Ben and Jerry's with fresh strawberries and topped with crumbled shortbread, haribo, and various mini chocolate bars or lollies.

Diet starts FOR REAL tomorrow.

Talking of tomorrow, I have my BBC interview. I'm kinda scared. Not of the interview itself, but of getting the job. I'm scared of being involved in something so professional. I'm scared of being at the bottom of a team rather than the top or on my own. I'm scared of getting things wrong, and people being angry, or worse, disappointed. I'm scared of  hating it, of realising that I don't want to do this job anymore and that the last 2 if not 5 years of my life were a waste.

To be honest, I'm scared of losing my current life. I like working from home with the odd shoot here and there. I like mostly being free to do what I want, when I want. Sure, it's tough not having much money and always worrying when the next job is coming, but there is a sense of freedom in that too. I'm so scared of getting a long shoot which leads to another long shoot, and living to work rather than working to live. I don't want my life to be my job, and yet it is hard to see how it can be any other way with such a demanding and time consuming job.

Obviously, I am basing all of this on my previous experience, where a shoot rarely finishes on time or the schedules get moved around so much no one knows whats what anymore. I don't think something as professional as a BBC production will be like this - hopefully it will be a lot smoother. But that also makes it more daunting. People are far more likely to see this than anything else I have worked on before.

Anyway, I shall let you know how I get on tomorrow. I'm a little freaked out now, so I'm going to catch up on the new updates of Hapi Mari and maybe watch some Gokusen to calm down.

<3 x

Drama: Gokusen II 6
Manga: Hana Kimi 51 / Darling wa Namamono ni Tsuki 25 / Kimi no Sei 2